Learning to drive, Lesson #7

In this lesson, we learned the benefits of patience and, more importantly, what other road users do.

We bravely headed onto a real road for brief moments in this lesson, and I got my first ‘driver’s wave’, which does not require the whole hand, just some select fingers. (If you don’t get in the right lane quick enough, people like to point it out, don’t they?) So that’s another milestone passed.

All in all, I think it went well. I’m now at the in-an-emergency-when-all-else-fails-you-could-drive-us-to-the-hospital phase. Which feels good, let me tell ya.

I cut the lesson short as the rain was coming down again and driving on an actual road made my brain creak in an way that some would fine alarming.

Learning to drive, Lessons #5&6

Lessons 5 and 6 came about after a short lay-off and some ring-rust had set in. But it didn’t take long for me to start thirsting again for speeds above 15 mph, and lands beyond the Pot-Holed Car Park. Lesson 5 saw my first Near Miss – a bit too close to a bizarrely-placed post. But other than that, all was fine. I’m pulling into kerbs better, although I’m still presuming no one will be parked anywhere near me, which may be a tad optimistic.
Lesson 6 was in the near-dark, which was slightly worrying. We did the whole going-round-in-circles thing, then moved (on a proper side road where other cars COULD HAVE BEEN) to a nearby car-park with plenty of opportunity for Pulling Into Bays.
I did this with various degrees of accuracy. As the bays seemed to be a suitable width for a small bus – or the average Texan run-about – there was plenty of margin for error. Which was lucky as I was All Over the Place. More practice definitely required.
Also had my most fun ‘press-the-accelerator-when-I-meant-to-press-the-brake’ moment when pulling into a bay. We all nearly hurtled across a grass verge, but didn’t as I recovered in time.
I need to work on that anecdote.

Learning to drive, Lesson #4

For three lessons there, I thought I was supernatural. Despite never even having been behind the wheel of a car before – and being the world’s worst pilot in WipeOut history, after more than 15 years of practice – I’d finally found something I was just naturally good at. Like writing filthy poetry, or lying.

I could start a car first time, make it go left or right, fast or slow. Only once (OK twice) have I pressed the Gas pedal when I was looking for the Brake. And you do that all the time.

Speed bumps held no fear for me. Stop signs were my friends. And other car drivers felt safe with me, at a distance of roughly 200 metres.

I was flying, as much as a small Kia can fly. That is to say, metaphorically.

And then we took a step too far. We tried parallel parking.

I don’t want to talk about it. But I may need to get another teacher.

Learning to drive, Lesson #3

The same car park, the same routine – circles of varying degrees of slowness, mixing a little role-play of the ‘This is a STOP sign’ variety. And even some indicating.

Things are going crazy.

The news spreads among family and friends that, yes, indeed, I have been behind a wheel of a car. And even propelled it along a way.

Old dogs are mentioned. And new tricks.

We’ll see; my glamorous and patient teacher says I’m doing well. But then she has to live with me.

Learning to drive, Lesson #2

Today we discussed the accelerator pedal, and even gave it a dab once or twice. I proved pretty damn good at going round in circles, although my sensible instructor wouldn’t let me go out to play with other cars.
One step at a time.
But now I can accelerate (up to speeds approaching 15mph), stop and turn. And, equally importantly, fatalities still zero.

Learning to drive, Lesson #1

My wife says she can teach me to drive.

She says that, even though I have never been behind a steering wheel in 37 years, except in an arcade, it’ll be ‘easy’. ‘You play driving games all the time,’ she says. ‘You’ll soon get the hang of it.’

And I have, it’s true, played games on numerous consoles over my (count ‘em) 37 years – and if it were a spaceship hurtling round an anti-gravity track, I’d feel more comfortable. If it was a race where all I had to do was crash into 20 other cars to win, I’d be out there now.

But, from what I’ve seen, that’s not usually the plan. (Although I have shared cars with people who seemed to think that the destruction of everything around them was exactly the aim of every car journey.)

So, today, we had our first go. In a car park in Austin, me casually putting the car in ‘Drive’ and ‘Reverse’ and letting go of the brake (or ‘the left one’ as I like to call it), my wife saying ‘Gently now…and brake!’ And Smallest Child reading comics in the back of the car, amassing enough trauma for a mountain of therapy sessions.

A couple of times I even pressed the accelerator. But let’s not run before we can walk, I said.

Like having a tattoo, or going on a roller coaster, it’s the kind of thing that isn’t necessarily that much fun at the time but, after you’re done, you just want to do it again.

I think not killing anyone the first time out really helped.

Things I Have Learned in 2008 #1

Things that can be left in the pockets of my jeans when they are washed:

Memory stick
Analogue watch

Things that cannot be left in the pockets of my jeans when they are washed:

iPod shuffle

Ten interesting things about Austin

1. You can buy Christmas presents for thousands of people, for as little as $15, all-in.
2. Eat here. It’s as good as food may ever get. Do it for yourself. Do it for your stomach.
3. You can get a little fixer-upper for next to nothing…
4. Street names are kinda confusing.
5. Austin has a reputation for loving and making great movies. I’m starting my Austin film education here…and here as well, let’s be honest.
6. If you’re a lawyer, people’ll give you anything.
7. Whisper it softly, but sometimes it snows…
8. “Every so often Quentin Tarantino comes to Austin with a truckload of his favorite films and puts on a 10-day movie fest.” Oh well, it can’t all be diamonds and chocolate.
9. They want to help you make your own movies! You know, just like Quentin but, you know, with dignity, originality and intelligence.
10. Oh, and of course, it’s the Live Music Capital of the World…but you knew that one already…

From Portland to Austin

For regular viewers, it may come as some surprise to learn that things are progressing a little in the Great Emigration Adventure, and that one or two Really Big Changes have occurred on the way.

To summarise:

1. We love Portland, but it rains too much for a Texan whose spent too long in northern English weather. And it’s too far from home.
2. We love Austin, and it doesn’t rain in quite the same way, and it’s just the right distance from home.
3. So, we’re going to give Austin a try, see if their film school, light rail system and friendly liberal air is something we can get used to.

Currently, we’ve successfully jumped one hoop, just a couple more to go. We’re in the middle of the Great Certificate Hunt at the minute, with Police Certificates and copies of birth certificates to be found, for Big Cash Prizes. A medical is booked with the regulation Very Posh Doctors in old London town for straight after New Year. And then we wait. Patiently. While cancelling credit cards, TV licences and broadband.

That, currently, is the plan.

As well as buying a truck, a 42″ TV and a PlayStation 3.

What the Interweb says I believe in

Online quizzes are online quizzes, and we need not be troubled here with such notions as ‘accuracy’ or ‘truth’. But I needed somewhere to record my result on the belief-o-matic scale, so this is as good a locale as any.

This, apparently, is what I believe in, mostly (with a special mention for the bizarre relative success of the Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants!):

1.     Secular Humanism (100%)
2.     Unitarian Universalism (94%)
3.     Nontheist (77%)
4.     Liberal Quakers (75%)
5.     Theravada Buddhism (66%)
6.     Neo-Pagan (64%)
7.     Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (63%)
8.     Reform Judaism (49%)
9.     Taoism (49%)
10.     New Age (48%)
11.     Scientology (36%)
12.     Baha’i Faith (36%)
13.     Orthodox Quaker (36%)
14.     Mahayana Buddhism (35%)
15.     Sikhism (35%)
16.     New Thought (33%)
17.     Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (28%)
18.     Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (26%)
19.     Jainism (25%)
20.     Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (23%)
21.     Islam (22%)
22.     Orthodox Judaism (22%)
23.     Eastern Orthodox (18%)
24.     Roman Catholic (18%)
25.     Seventh Day Adventist (17%)
26.     Hinduism (13%)
27.     Jehovah’s Witness (5%)